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03.21.03 - 9:37 p.m. today i had my neice, jolie, at marshalls while her mom was on an errand and it was THE single most harrowing experience of my life. At first everything was fine, we were eating goldfish and walking through all the aisles and she was saying, "WuzSis!!OOK!" which loosly translated means, "Whats This! Look!" which is cute to the baby-free people walking by. I even stop at mirrors and think to myself, "this is what i will look like with my baby one day" and i looked good, rosy and content and productive. Not like the 23 year old smoker/receptionist that i really am. So everyone is smiling and im finding $7 jeans EVERYWHERE and dresses and its fabulous and then, you know, of course shes tired of sitting in the cart and ALL HELL breaks loose. Literally. Nothing AT ALL can make her happy. Pacie? Goldfish? Blankie? Baby? No more wazsisook!! nothing, but just, unabashed terror. Of course, its nothing like a tantrum its just a typical two year old wanting to run around and be crazy but im sweating and trying to find shiny things to blind her with and all of the aforementioned jeans are being thrown OUT of the cart by these two teeny arms that look incapable of anything like lifting a grown womens pair of jeans out of the bottom of the cart. And i take her out of the cart and she runs immediately to the nearest child embracing him in a bear hug like shes been missing him all her life. He falls to the floor, she falls on top of him but doesnt let go. He had a basketball in his arms which rolls down the aisle and tips a 9000 ounce soda over, the owner of the soda bends over to pick it up and drops the white blousse she was about to try on in the spreading puddle of brown and follows that with fuckgoddammitfuck, i think about covering jolies ears but shes too busy getting cozy. Meanwhile the basketball-less child is pinned under my neice who cant sit up because her shoe has fallen off and shes like a crippled child without those blocks of solid rubber to guide her way. Im trying to find the little boy under jolie who has not taken well to her advances and is screaming like hes never been trapped under a thirty pound gingham nightmare before. All of this in the span =of about nine seconds. Its amazing, truly, how my life could be. Its amazing, truly, how cavaliar people are about having sex. Amazing. I love her. God, i love her. More than i knew i could ever love a child, but dammit. Theres only so much catastrophe one woman can take while shopping for a sleeveless dress. � 
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