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08.11.02 - 12:58 a.m. so. ive been having these dreams at night. More than dreams. Like full thoughts while im asleep. Its seems like there wouldnt be enough room for all those things to happen at once. To have your brain asleep but to think in color wide awake thoughts. LAst night i dreamed that i was having an affair with this older russian man. Not particularly attractive and i think he had a mustache which i dont like. And he was portly too, a lot. I think he wore a three piece suit...all the time. Even as he was shimmieing out my sky window. I remember that it was nightime and we had to meet "everyone else" at the circus grounds. It ended up being brad and all of her courderoy friends. I insisted on bringing my pillows, all four of them, and he was frustrated with me because apparantly i had insisted on bringing my four pillows every night that whole week and it severly complicated his nomadic intentions. I guess this has something to do with the old man whom ive been thinking about in wonder lately. Not in a longing way but in a way that would have "God, i cannot believe that whole thing happened" in a bubble coming from my head if i was a cartoon character. Replaying small bits of it in my mind and shaking my head, smiling sort of and concerned sort of. It feels like the oddest thing now, what happened that tuesday. A circus maybe. I iwish i knew how to feel about it. I walk around it sometimes and i memorize it and then i walk away. There were drugs involved too. I think he was a drug czar, the russian, not the old man. In any case, in the middle of the night i got up and unplugged my alarm clock because it was making a clicking noise, well, more of a muffled clicking, like the pegs on a cake walk wheel, but i dont think it was actually clicking. But i kept hitting the snooze anyway and trying to turn on the radio which wouldnt turn on either. I turned the volume up really high and then i couldnt tell if it was high or low because theres no arrow (i turned on the light to see.) That was scary and i went back to sleep and the dream resumed as if i had never woken up. Well, and then, i got up and washed my face. I think i was dreaming i was getting ready for bed with the russian. i dont know why because we always ended up leaving through the skyroof anyway. But while i was for real washing my face i had that feeling that someone was behind me. That feeling i always get after getting high, and im in the shower. I can feel someones body covering all of mine, only without touching. I end up showering with my back against the wall. Washing my face was like that so i didnt wash my eyes. I kept them open and watched for feet. I remember not being scared so much, but vigilant and fully prepared. So during the five hours i was sleeping i got up to wash my face, unplug my alarm clock and refill my water glass. "Try not eating onions for dinner," offers my typically reserved father who always leaves the room during tellings of dreams. "Onions always do weird things to me if i eat them too close to bedtime." I had no onions and i threw up dinner. I drank the detox tea for the drug test and now im feeling sick again. Maybe i have the west nile virus. In any case, im less concerned that ill fail my drug test than i am that ill dream about the russian again. Ive only ever had one recurring dream and it involved a house shaped like a ritz box. Tall and windowless. I watched it from the yard and it was about to storm. I think i was concerned that i wouldnt be able to get in. And thats it. Just me and an almost storm and the ritz box house. � 
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