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04.13.02 - 11:41 p.m. im beginning to feel a bit like doogie howser racing home every night to type up the days events only without that melodramatic pause at the end where he looks up at his ceiling and smiles, summarizing his last brilliant and morally effecient point. I dont do that ok?? Listening to Godspeed You Black Emperor and trying not to feel gypped by the fact there are only four songs on an $18 two disc set cd. The soccer boys are having a party and its loud booty music and the girls to match. I wish i had something to write about. I got nothing. Saw Monster Ball tonight and it was an amazing movie that i dont think i will ever see again. Nope, thats it i think. There is something dead in my kitchen, thats something. I thought it was the dishes, but i linda cleaned the kitchen and it remained, followed by flies. It was like the Heart of Darkness in my kitchen. I raced to the southside market with my coffee cup of change and bought a blue fly swatter which i spent the rest of the afternoon using on fly after fly. Eventually i started crying. It was too much finally. I called landlord keith and tried to sound like a grown up tenant on the phone and he saw right through me. He blamed me for being a girl and i blamed him for the decrepancy of his houses. Then he came over and tried to tell me he didnt smell it and then finally gave in. He said he was gonna put bait up which i take to mean the hideous smell will not only remain, but intensify. This was not good news and i longed for my home where everything is clean and warm and soft, without hard corners, without rooms that smell too raunchy to enter. We talked about his girlfriends he lied about his age, telling me he was in his thirties when we both know he isnt. He told me he wasnt cheap, that he liked kids, that he would take care of me. I let him hug me and something slipped, the quickening of nothing into something. A hug that lasted too long, that didnt fit, like hugging your dentist after a cleaning. I thrust my hands in my back pockets and looked at the floor between his feet, spacing our bodies with the air in the kitchen. It was too dark in the living room but it felt like turning the light on would hurt his feelings. I left it off and listenend politely while he told me about his neices and nephews and tested me by asking if i wanted to meet them. I let it remain a rhetorical between us and i tried to seem as 22 as possible. This cd is creepy. Im pissed. About the cd. About the flies. About another weekend night that ended too early. that i have to work tomorrow. that i dont have anyone to go down on me like halle berry gets in Monster Ball. Im pissed that my room is dirty, that i have to do laundry tomorrow, that i have to go to the airport, that the day after that is monday again. that i wont have a job in a month, that i should be doing something amazing, pissed about the cd again. Its obnoxious beyond belief. It sounded better in erics car. Something about the wind moving around me, something about the familiar noise in his car, his hands and profile, something about all of that made it someting that i needed right away. Maybe im tired. The cd is better now. I think this is music you might need to smoke out to. Im done. � 
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