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09.26.05 - 12:44 a.m. well, here are some things i would only tell myself: Myself, you know that you are getting into dangerous territory here, with him. You, myself, know how you are...you know the kinds of traps that you fall into and here you are, setting them for yourself. Myself, you were doing really well being, ah, uninvested...you were sitting in a chaise lounge in bali, counting the money coming in and then you decided to get a plane ticket home to see for yourself, what was happening. Myself. You are in a bad way now, and its no one elses fault but your own. Enter the front line, which does the opposite of a front line, which is to retreat...retreat at all costs, and maybe the whole thing will disappear before it becomes a thing. A disaster. Ill stop calling, he wont stop calling, and then...i will have to deal. if only, sex wasnt so complicated. but, i guess, its not really sex so much as winning, which i need. i need to win. i dont know why, i dont think that i was always like this. fuck. fuck this whole damn thing. people coming onto my path are bad news. oh, the desire to be a boy so that i could go to a bar and get drunk and then fight somebody. Tension. Tension makes the world go round. � 
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