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06.12.02 - 11:06 a.m. on my bike again and before that trips in and out of the house forgetting and remembering. Sitting in the front seat of my car with the motor running deciding whether or not i need the smashing pumpkisn enough to go back inside. Bungee cords and water and the helmet i almost forgot and today following behind me, knocking my knees out from under me like my brothers used to do. i might have fallen asleep in the front seat if it wasnt for the need to keep moving, to only let in a little at a time, just one glance and maybe a kiss, half of a kiss, the rest for later. The rest for much later. I couldnt focus and shouldnt have driven, and i did anyway, qucikly and minus any hesitation. The radio was loud and the windows all open and no quiet place inside my brain to stop. And he was the perfect height. Perfect. The first one. Even with tall shoes on. He bumped his head on the telehone sign in the kitchen, a solid thud of bone against metal and a quiet "fuck." And then three times after that. Ive always ducked under that sign, even though im really noway near to bumping into it. I illustrated it for him, standing underneath it on my tippytoes and smiling. He kissed my fingers and i scratched the back of my leg with my toe. And kissing by the stove, the heat from the window on the back of my neck and his hands making decisions on where to go next. And the doorbell rang, and a man's voice climbing the stairs, "Kate?" He watched me watch him and asked who it was...i didnt know, kyle maybe, brandon? Kyle i think? Fuck, and as he disappears into the kitchen pantry i make one hopeful swipe at my hair and smile at tim who has reached the top of the stairs sans katphish thank god. Oh! he said and turned straight down the stairs without comment from me. Apparantly he remembers the face i had. "My bad, kate" ...and his big feet on the stairs. I stopped him to gain some normalcy. Hows your arm? MAke sure you bandage that ok? And neosporin. Hands through my hair, and smiling down at him. The kitchen was empty and i found him where i had shoved him, leaning against the wall eating wheat thins and oreo cereal. "This is how it would be, you know...doorbells and phone calls and surprise visits." Yes, i acknowledged and found the oven for support, my body without his arms suddenly too heavy. � 
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