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03.21.02 - 10:03 a.m. after a brief lapse in good judgement i am a whole $421 lighter than i was. I think it has somethindg to do with depth perception and my lack of it. I thought i was fine and i thought i was fine and i was and i was and then i wasnt, and the blue off Go's hindquarters left a long camry blue stretch on her car. It looked like a child had taken a crayon and made one swipe as i knelt beside it and made on hopeful rub with a wet index finger. well, it didnt go anywhere of course and i said fuck several times there in the parking lot, kneeling in expensive pants between suburbans and bmw's. I wrote on big check and sent it off in the mail along with the phone bill and just like that, i was a grown up. I went home and changed into my painty overalls and a blue bandana, no shoes and it was too hot to sit outside and i did anyway and smoked cigarettes and dared myself to leave. I inhaled and let my wrist dangle on my knee and i watnched the street and waved at the southside market man and i set my future out like a meal in front of me and ignored it. I dont think i am in the right place. But who is at this age i wonder? its easy for friedns who are still curled up in the warm safety of college to talk about doing what you love and not settling, but in the end is the car you accidentally hit in the parking lot and thats what keeps people working...the fear that you wont have enough to make it. There is more to say about 22 year old friends and my boss. Later � 
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