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01.06.02 - 7:49 p.m. wow. what an rollercoaster day. I started the day crying and mostly ended the day crying. I couldnt really talk to anyone without feeling overcome by anxiety and nervousness. i cant describe it. Its like this big, fat, man that comes and sits down in my stomach. moving my heart out of the way and breathing into me, for me. and i cant find my way out. Its like being lost on the interstate in the dark. That same anxiousness. Half of me wants to just get on some sort of antianxiety medicine and the other half of me is afraid of a genetically altered me. I try not to devle into it, but before i know it im there and crying and deep into myself. I know my friends worry when they read this, and i dont know what to tell them. Its not really a depression, just a method of making it through the day. I dont do it at work, at least, i havent yet. There is something at work, a bubble around me that keeps me out of myself long enough to make it through. On top of that everyone is in love. And im making spaghetti for one in the dark of my apartment. I miss my loved ones. I apologize for the sappiness level as of late, dont stop reading me though...just wait until i come around. � 
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