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04.04.03 - 2:58 a.m. i am jittery from too much coffee, but here it is... 1) a black and white cat ran across four lanes of traffic tonight including mine and i was wondering...does that mean i will have mixed luck? And isnt life just mixed luck? And so does that mean that the cat might as well not have been there at all? (if a black and white cat runs in front of you in the forest, did it happen at all? you know? is it too late for me to be thinking like this?) 2) the reason, lain, why they only have two colors in apple jacks is if they had more wouldnt that make it fruit loops? yeah? Isnt apple jacks just fruit loops for dogs and the color blind? 3) today i am thankful for: friends that are up at 2 am to talk me through bumfuck, alabama. talented individuals whom i knew back when they were fumbling with the difference between b sharp and c flat a place will forever hold my history in cement and bricks and varying shades of pansies, regardless of who is there to remember me my dad, who leaves me pragmatic, concise notes on the dinner table that end in; Love, Dad. A man who i am not in love with but whom i love with all of my heart and who will be a part of my life forever. My sweet friends, each so different and each so gifted and each deep enough for me to set my roots seeing things in a different and more comfortable light realizing that you are growing up and resting assured that some things will get easier people who stick close to you even when you warn them against it and remain when you return with your tail tucked firmly between your legs cell phones, the unspeakable brilliance of them my sheets, i remain hopelessly in love with the singular sensation of stretching tired arms and legs and hips into 6 hours of uncompromised comfort the marines who remain loyal to our human and fallible leader people falling in love with the one person that couldnt need it more the ability to drive at any hour, anywhere, do you understand what a gift that is? my family. the intricate knit. everyone knowing everything. people who close their eyes in prayer, holding hands, for you. my crooked hemmed dress which makes me feel like such a lady the complications of the opposite sex, the brimming electricity of bodies that have known each other and the tension of bodies together that are waiting for their chance five times a year friends; a shared history that eases you quickly right back to where you left off my job that allows me jeans and more smoke breaks than one woman needs my fast approaching future in a brand new city containing not one soul who knows my name. The idea of myself carrying books and highlighters and sweaters again. My husband who is curled up somewhere becoming the man who will carry our sleeping child against his chest i should go to sleep now as i am feeling just so lucky to be a breathing part of this place. � 
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