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08.02.03 - 2:07 p.m. hmm. i am NOT a fun girl right now. All of the babies are here and as much as i love them i just want to sit in a cave and be all pissed off that i am on my period and that my clothes are dirty and that justin doesnt love me and that i need a new toothbrush but i dont feel like driving to get a new one. There are things that i need to get done but i can only take twenty two steps before i start crying or end up sighing this catastrophic sigh and laying down on whatever furniture happens to be close by. For this week i am just such a wus. Today i started crying because jolie crashed a puzzle that i had just put back together in order to fit back into the box and she was all frustrated because her parents are living it up on the beach and shes never been away from them but i just watched her adorable face morph into something all tragic and frustrated and i just started crying because shes just so fucking complex for a two year old and i dont want any children. And i do want children but they scare the hell out of me and so all day ive sort of tried to be helpful to mom but mostly ive been hiding from my neices and nephews and i feel kinda bad. I wish i was more laid back. In the meantime, i had to drive to work to pay jen for something and justin was on his porch with this girl who had a towel wrapped around her shoulders. And i (just a little bit) lost it. In two-point-four seconds i concocted this elaborate scene in which they just had sex and he had put a towel around her shoulders and was inside getting a glass of water for her while she got some fresh air. And i was furious. And it happened in five seconds. I sat in my car with my neice dog and just stared at this beautiful woman in the towel. And he comes out of his house and yells hello to me and i yell hi back but i dont go to him. I go inside and do my thing and i leave and it occurs to me that he is braiding her hair and that he had told me on saturday he was braiding his friends hair and when he told me i filed it away with other things that dont matter. And her towel was to keep hair off her shirt and there was no glass of ice water, and i, am a little psychotic. In any case, i didnt wave when i left and while i was trying to not be psychotic and obsessive, i was being psychotic and obsessive. Ignoring people always seems like the right thing to do until youre out of the situation and then it just seems all wrong again. Man, i need to get the HELL out of this town as its making me crazy. But apparantly nothing a little blue present from a friend cant fix. Time to start on my to do list. I think. Mostly now i want to watch movies in a lazy boy in a dark chilly cave with a fireplace and a fuzzy blanket and some hot chocolate. � 
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