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03.31.03 - 12:18 a.m. Current Addictions And/Or (things im thankful for): My new record player, blue collar tradesmen in jeans, everyday showers, twice-a-day showers, snail mail, black shirts, crazy hair, crazy hair in pigtails, my wonderful perfect sheets, christmas lights, cigarettes, my neice-dog delaney, cereal, muffins, endless diet sodas, eclipse gum-spearmint, interpol, springtime weeds for my hair, Baby Magic, coffee in the morning, in midafternoon, burts bees, my computer which has seen nothing but mindless journal entries, candles, speeding, dinner, my parents, my brother and his wife, the babies, north chattanooga, west wing, the idea of my new apartment, the idea of my husband, boys in bands, with that adorable hair and their self conscious tee shirt choices, my room-its sagey cool arm around my shoulder, people that leave me notes and tell me i should think about writing for a living (i will, thank you), those i left in birmingham who still remember me-who help me track down errant w-2's, nearing springtime-i feel as if i might be looking forward to sweat and inbearable deepsouth heat (my brother presented me with the idea that this was really the last summer of my childhood and i feel it might be...i will swim and get dirty, hike, go without socks, drink beer and tea and lemonade, drive far distances for friends and skinnydipping). More things to come, there is so much i have been aware of lately. And still, this something that i cant shake, a feeling that i am missing a part of myself, that i am missing an aknowledgement of my self--i dont know from whom...i feel that someone should be in love with me, or that someone should at least be fascinated, i shouldnt be alone as i am. I feel this sometimes. And then, now, here, i am glad, in my sage room, to be; alone. Alone. Only myself to keep. An unspeakable treasure. Truly. � 
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