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03.23.03 - 11:33 p.m. i think i feel inclined to talk about the war but i dont know how. Tonight i watched one of our boys fling himself out of a house in baghdad, and he was on fire. The screen was submarine screen green but their yells were real and mom said "Oh, My God!" and it occured to me that this was the last thing in the world that we deserved to see. Someone on fire and on the next screen is the academy awards. Boy my age on fire, academy awards, boy on fire, boy on fire, red carpet coverage on who is and is not dressed accordingly this evening. And it seems that in historic terms america has made on firm step in a certain and possibly detrimental direction. It seems like in the year 3000 "What finally defeated America?" will appear on some multiple choice quiz on some eigth graders desk in europe and the answer will just be, ourselves. And its powerless. Were powerless, the majority. And the thing is, im not antiwar. I think saddam is a fucker and should die and i am easily swayed by authoritative men in ties and how they talk. They convince me that this is the right idea and i feel that since i eat their food and attend their events and walk their streets at night, that there is a part of me that wants to support everyone that we send over there. I dont hate george bush, and really, i dont know shit about politics, but what i do know is that embedding journalists in strategic locations so that they can get the first shots of some kid from scranton engulfed in flames is a testament to how far away we have gotten as a nation from what is real, what is important, what should be seen and what shouldnt be seen. In our all powerfulness we have nothing to gauge ourselves against. If we fuck up we have no one who can put us on the right track. We are spoiled rich kids and i fear that we will ruin ourselves. I fear that with no one to stop us we will keep pushing our boundries like kids do and we will end up dead in a drunk driving accident, overdosing. And some people will be happy because we got what was coming and some people will feel a little bad because it was never really our fault. We were on top and no one was strong enough to catch us when we fell. I have utmost faith in the american people. I do not have utmost faith in our leaders. We are a rich country who wants to maintain that and fuck anyone who disagrees with it. Bush is powerful and he knows his responsibility is to keep us powerful and rich and make sure we have 12 varieties of shampoo and 57 different options in breakfast cereal. And you can bitch and moan all you want about the war but well see what you say when your simplest desires cant be maintained...when you go to walmart and you cant buy Lucky Charms anymore. Youd be pissed. I am not anti war because washington dc is trying to maintain the lifestyle that we have ALL gotten used to. Its not just the people in power who have put us in war, its myself who can go to revco and choose from 13 different brands of concealer. I am the reason we are at war. And everyone who doesnt ride a bike is the reason we are at war. Its not the leaderships fault. Its everyone who enjoys the right to drive from Fripp Island South Carolina to Hunting Island California, simply out of desire. The freedom we all have is unbelievable, truly unbelievable, but it comes at a price. I hope that none of the individuals at anti war rallies bitch when they dont have gas to drive their cars to work, to temple, to yoga, to pick up their children from karate, from spanish lessons, from ballet. We are at war because we have to be. We have cultivated a high maintenance lifestyle and its our own faults. Nothing is free and you pay for what you get. I believe that we will rebuild iraq, i cant help it, i believe that. I believe that the population of iraq, 50% of whom happen to be 18 and under will live a better life after our interests are met in their oil. I think the president is less concerned in iraqi welfare than in iraqui reserves but fuck you if you arent gonna hop on your bike and pedal your ass to your job with benefits everyday. We wont last forever, no empire ever does but we have created a monster, a gorgeous, sensational monster and now its up to us to shoulder him up as long as we expect the freedom of religion, the freedom of choice, and the freedom to choose frozen peas over fresh over boxed over canned. � 
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