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03.09.03 - 1:24 p.m. i think that i will stop smoking and here are the reasons why, imagined and unimagined: 1)i think it makes the pores on my nose dirty. 2)i think i may almost be addicted and thats pretty terrifying 3)i think it may be giving me headaches. 4)and heres the worst one. Smoking does offer a social outlet and a break from work, and, of course, the boys. You know, the boys who ask to bum a cigarette as a way of asking you to stick around for awhile. Not smoking in a neighborhood of smokers is difficult. Its the password and the gender key. Its free entrance into a society that you might work for months to be a part of. But, you know, im dorky anyway and have never been "part of the group,: and i dont know why its all of a sudden important to me when i will be leaving in 6 months anywhere. Am i willing to give up smoking and lose the tentative spot i hold with a group of people that are well over ten years older than me? And i know what i am doing, slowly worming my way into a group of people that dont believe me capable. All of the "please dont leave and please become the professional lulus receptionists" are starting and it surprises the people that say it. My boss wants me to join a rock band and learn how to play the bass and use lulus as a source of income to buy beer and pot in order to support my new rock star lifestyle. These are all things that surprise me even though i set them up every time carefully and quietly wherever i go. I plant myself wherever i can, and then i guess i leave. Im not sure why. In any case quitting smoking will injure my elaborate set and i dont know if im willing to do that. Why are any of you friends with me? And some of you arent anymore. I guess. � 
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