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01.11.03 - 7:28 p.m. i decided that i should go visit chad after work as it had been (months) since i saw him last. It seems that everytime i get there there are beautiful, vintage girls poring over obscure, used records so that i feel either trendy or frumpy, depending. Today was no different. Scene: Two beautiful vintages poring over used records they were hoping to sell chad. A gaunt man who looked to be pulled off the street and working off a full day of speed, swiping at his nose, refusing eye contact. Apparantly chad had taken pity on him and hired him for the day as he is prone to do. This man is screaming out the titles of records in a questioning voice as he has apparantly been paid to situate the new shipment of albums. And me. Chad: "Hey! Hey, kate! hey." vintages curl their impossibly long necks to peer at me through their straight straight hair. Me: Hey there, chad. Gaunt Guy: "THE KINKS???" Chad: Ah, British Pop Vintages: "I got these in England on a modeling shoot..." (no lie) I busy myself looking for something off my list, relieved that i am not immediately drop to the floor attracted to him as i have been. Chad: "Are you still working at 'loolies' kate?" GG: MADAME BUTTERFLY??? me: opera chad: opera me: Lulu's? Yeah im still there... chad: how is it? i say something, rifle through the d's vaguely searching for depeche mode. vintages: i bought this when i broke up with my boyfriend. He is one of the original members of [insert the newest nyc band listed in rolling stone] chad is ignoring the vintages beautifully, more interested in adding up the worth of this raggamuffin collection of records and tapes. This makes me happy...i feel less frumpy, and wish less for long straight hair. The vintages leave. GG: CAPTAIN AND TENILLE??? chad: hmm...thats tough.... chad: Have you been by while i wasnt here or something slightly incriminating me: No, i havent been in here for a really long time GG: CAPTAIN AND TENILLE??? chad: Sorry, hold on. Umm...Easy Listening? gg snuffs and pulls his sleeve across his nose...chad doesnt seem to notice. me: how has business been? and then...the awkwardness overtakes poor chad. the yawning, the grasping for words and i want to close my eyes or lie on the floor and turn off all the lights and make it easy on him to be himself. me: i saw interpol in atlanta, it was unbelievable chad: You were at that show?? I was at that show! GG: THE VILLIAGE PEOPLE??? me: you were there?? this news makes me ineffably sad as that show was so wonderful i would have sought him out and hugged him for as long as he would have let me, which, beyond all of his weirdnesses, i think may be a considerable amount of time. GG: THE VILLIAGE PEOPLE??? chad: that show was awesome, yeah, it really was... i want to say everything about that show but he doesnt seem sufficiently affected that we were both there and missed each other. Information like that always sets me back. It always saddens me more than it should. Missing somebody when youve both been in the same place. It makes me think i never looked hard enough. GG: THE VILLIAGE PEOPLE??? gaunt guy could stand there and ask that all day, truly he could. it makes me realize how ill content i am much of the time, it makes me understand big differences between the two of us. IT makes me know something about myself as i watch this man holding a record in his hand, his nose running and eyes shifting. And then the two of us, watching each other with nothing left to say, and this man. I wished nothing more that i had told him i was to be at that show with my best friend. So that we might have drank a beer, so that he might have danced with me. So that we might have that one thing stretching between us, that one thing. Instead, we keep missing our chance and i dont know why. I dont. � 
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