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02.08.02 - 11:40 p.m. several things. Initially i am relieved to find that my missing of tim had more to do with being lonely than it did with tim as a person which i mostly knew and mostly didnt believe. It is so nice to have the apartment to myself tonight with beer and basement jaxx and no high pitched roommate. Its hard to be creative with her around...mostly because she sucks all of my energy, creative and otherwise and leaves me feeling dry on the inside, staring and unable to focus. Today in a 1,440 minute day wendy and i left the apartment at the same time this morning. I think she was wearing her pj's and party shoes or else it was the strangest consortium of work clothes i have ever seen. She tried to ignore me so i watched her until she looked at me...i knew she'd want to know what i look like...size me up and decide if im legitimate competition. I was ridiculously kind. I said hello and i said how are you...and she giggled either because she was wearing last nights bar platform shoes and leopard print pj's or because she was embarrassed to be making tim's walk of shame so early on a rainy friday morning. She was walking katphish like he was a lion or a gorrilla with her whole body thrown back and her arm hyperextended. It made me want to take him from her. I had to turn away from the both of them before i crossed over to answer questions i didnt need to know the answers to. It was hard. I think it was hard because i was alone and remembering a kiss that stopped me talking and breathing. Marcus came by work today all peacoat and smiles and it was wonderful to talk to somebody. I realized that it was midnight and i hadnt spoken to one person that wasnt connected to work. We went back to his place and there was nothing besides cd's and a giggly investigation of his refrigerator. We promised to call each other and i wrote my number in purple eyeliner on a receipt. We will drink beer and watch dvd's and it will be a relief to leave my gaurd at his door. I had been playing with eric for so long and them tim and every move i made was investigated and counterinvestigated, manipulated, considered. Marcus and i flirted like 15 year olds with play hugs that lingered and shy under the breath murmerings from him about me being pretty. He walked me out to my car and it was such a surprise. I had my key between my middle and ring finger ready to de eyeball anybody in my path from his apartment to my car. I didnt need it and doors were opened for me. I wish i could say i wasnt thinking about tim, but less so...and thats something. � 
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