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dec. 6 2001 - 6:00 p.m. ive been playing this game with anoop for years. four years to be exact and its beginning to occur to me that not only is it a real waste of time its also really starting to just make me a cynical and cold person when it comes to him. and its just ridiculous really. whos it gonna be? whos gonna talk first? whos gonna cry first? admit defeat first? whos gonna invite who? and usually its me...usually all i want is for things to be easy. but the reward for losing is shitty and the reward for winning is shitty. no matter who wins the outcome is the same and either way we ruin what could be a perfectly fine relationship by pretending that neither of us needs the other. at first i was attempting to be the bigger person by calling and laughing and inviting and listening and trudging out to the end of the limb every damn day and falling off, and now i am an ice princess and i hate both of those girls. and there is no reason for this...there really isnt and we've even talked about it...its an issue of pride that i cant understand. and i sit out on the edge of a pond and sail his ship back to him. � 
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